last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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