paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
