hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
