Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
