Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
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I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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