I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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