I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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