I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Couch. On fire.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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