Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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