Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
