My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
