my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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