my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
