He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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