He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
