It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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