Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
