Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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