i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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