He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Someone shattered a urinal.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
