He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
