my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
