My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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