I heard we made out
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I licked your asshole in confidence.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
