Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There r osticjed everywhere
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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