I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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