My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
