I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
