it wasn't lemon gatorade
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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