There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
