so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
