So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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