I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
