twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
