is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think your dad took our porno
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
