i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
