Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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