Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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