Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
