You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
