I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
That was before I lit my hair on fire
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
