You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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