Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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