So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Houston, we have a squirter
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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