I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
