my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
