Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
