wanna go halves on a baby?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
