I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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