I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
