Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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