Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
