I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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