We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
