If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I deserve this hangover.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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