I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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