The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
