Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
