Don't make out with my wife yet
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
