Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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