We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He? As in you personified your dick?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
