Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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