please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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