I can text with my tongue
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
