I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
