Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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