I wish I could punch you in the face.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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