well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
