When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
