Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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